Cycles old and new

Funny how life sometimes springs out violently and then other times seems to walk along companionably. It must be a contributing factor to the reflective nature of my writing that I tend to write more when life is quiet than when it is busy. I know it will be crazy again soon – probably sooner than I can quite handle. My Juniors would like to sponsor a Valentine’s dance in three weeks and I don’t quite know how to find a DJ. Also, it seems that it will take three weeks to get the person approved – if they want to get paid – which means I really have to find them TODAY!! Not likely to happen, I am afraid. This weekend may be the last time I catch my breath for a month. But at least the pattern is familiar. Three weeks of crazy life, one week of quiet life.

We have instituted a new nighttime regimen which is ominously called The Schedule. It is, in reality, exactly what we have been doing for the entirety of our children’s lives with only one change – they must sleep in their own beds. The first night, both children wakened about 1 am and came to our door knocking, then banging, then making sort of fake crying sounds interrupted by statements like, “Mommy, I’m scared.” and “I feel like someone’s watching me.” and “I don’t like this schedule.” It was a bit heartbreaking, but it also sounded a bit manipulative. We held fast. After about 10 minutes, they went back to bed. The second night, they both came knocking at the door, but there was little crying. Then I heard my daughter say to my son, “Do you know how to use it?” and I realized they must be searching for the key that unlocked my door from the outside. I guess they gave up before finding it, though, because they put themselves back in bed within five minutes. Last night, the third, there was nothing. No waking in the night, no knocking, pleading, plotting, …nothing.

It is a relief, but… I don’t know, I am finding it a bit difficult to get to sleep without them. I did not anticipate that. The notion that I created my own problem really should not be foreign to me. And in fact, I realized that not setting limits on when they could sleep in my bed was causing the difficulty of never having any time alone with my husband, but I didn’t think that I was letting it slide because I wanted to cuddle up with them. Huh. So I am going through an adjustment as well. I feel like I’ve lost my teddy bear. I just lie in bed staring at the ceiling, waiting to see if they come knocking in the middle of the night. Serves me right, I guess.

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