I get a little burst of energy – not the kind you get when you’re excited about Christmas morning snow (magical) or the kind you get when you wake up to school is cancelled snow (joy) – but a kind of frenzied, last stand, scattered energy. The kind I imagine one gets in the moments between making an unfortunate decision and realizing that it is probably going to end you. All the molecules are busy, but uncoordinated. It doesn’t matter where you put your energy, your focus, it’s always already gone horribly wrong.
This doesn’t make any sense. It’s not a sense-making kind of feeling.